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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25024630">sticks and stones may break my bones</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tricksterity/pseuds/tricksterity'>tricksterity</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Reno is Horny, thats it thats the whole fic, tseng has a whip</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 07:36:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,130</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25024630</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tricksterity/pseuds/tricksterity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>but tseng with a whip excites me</p><p>(aka the scene where the plate drops but after reno and rude get their asses kicked by cloud and co tseng arrives to save the day and its hot)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Minor or Background Relationship(s), Reno/Rude (Compilation of FFVII), background angeal/genesis - Relationship, implied reno/rude/tseng</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>sticks and stones may break my bones</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is literally not even proofread i needed to get this out into the world bc NOBODY is agreeing with me that a whip should be tseng's main weapon which personally i take offence to since my twitter @ is tsengswhip</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Everything hurt.</p><p> </p><p>Barely able to keep his eyes open, Reno lay sprawled and useless on the edge of the platform, unable to help as he watched those dumb ass kids beat the shit out of his partner. Well, two dumb ass kids, and a whole grown man with a gun for an arm. It probably didn’t help that Rude was always soft on that Tifa girl whose punches were as strong as his own. Idiot.</p><p> </p><p>With a limit break from the kid with the buster sword (why did it look so familiar) Rude was thrown off to the edge of the platform to come sliding in next to Reno, nearly smacking their heads together.</p><p> </p><p>“Good job, partner,” Reno drawled, though the wheeze in his voice kind of mitigated the whole attitude he had going on.</p><p> </p><p>“Like you did any better,” was Rude’s comeback. He tried to stand up, but immediately collapsed back to his knees, blood soaking through the black of his suit, the fabric damp and shiny. “Fuck.”</p><p> </p><p>Tifa, the gun arm dude, and Mister First Class approached them, out of breath and a little bloody but a damn sight better than both Turks, and that just pissed Reno off. Not enough that he could get up and do anything about it, though.</p><p> </p><p>“Give up,” said Mister First Class. “Don’t drop the plate. You know it’s wrong.”</p><p> </p><p>“We got orders, kid,” Reno spat, grabbing onto Rude’s shoulder to try and pull himself up. He’d lost his EMR at some point, and requisitioning another one of those was gonna be a bitch, he’d finally worn this one in and the grip felt perfect.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t care,” the kid said, mako eyes shining down at them. “Tell Shinra it’s not happening.”</p><p> </p><p>And, well-</p><p> </p><p>Reno fell back onto the floor with uncontrollable laughter, lungs and ribs protesting painfully, but honestly, fuck, that was just too funny. This kid who called himself an ex-SOLDIER, who had the mako eyes and fucking walked around in the goddamn first class uniform, thought he could tell Shinra what to do?</p><p> </p><p>“You-“ Reno wheezed, “really think we can do that? Just- tell Shinra <em>no</em>?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, we do,” spoke up gun arm man. Even Rude snorted a laugh at that one. Maaaybe they would’ve gotten away with it if Aerith had been with them, since they were under orders not to hurt her and dropping the plate with her on it or under it would definitely do that, but they didn’t. Tseng had Aerith in custody, <em>finally</em>, so their word had no weight. Even if they had just beaten the shit out of the two top Turks.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay,” he laughed, fingers shaking with mirth as he grabbed the PHS out of his pocket, the thing miraculously unharmed. “Lemme make a call.”</p><p> </p><p>Speed dial one was Rude, but number two was Tseng, who picked up immediately.</p><p> </p><p>“What, Reno?”</p><p> </p><p>“Got a bit of a problem, bossman,” he said, keeping eye contact with Mister First Class. “Got a couple of kids protecting the pillar, put me and the partner out of commission. They’re demanding that Shinra know that dropping the plate is, uh, <em>not happening.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>Silence for a few seconds, before Tseng let out a rare chuckle.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m on my way. ETA five minutes.”</p><p> </p><p>Reno hung up and threw a sloppy thumbs up at the kids, collapsing back onto Rude who was really more like a rock than pillow. The few helicopters still looping the pillar backed off as Tseng presumably gave them instructions to hang back and not engage. Was the bossman gonna actually <em>fight</em> for once? Get his leather-clad hands dirty? Because damn, did Reno wanna see some of that action, Tseng all hot and bothered for once.</p><p> </p><p>Gun Arm Dude yelled and fired off a few shots at the helicopters that got too close for his comfort, and Reno’s whole face hurt when he rolled his eyes, but he had an attitude to maintain. The two kids just stood there kinda awkwardly, ready to fight at any goddamn moment, while Rude had slipped his hand under Reno’s shirt and was rubbing circles on his lower back where nobody could see. Good man.</p><p> </p><p>The activation screen for the plate disconnect flashed mockingly in Reno’s direction, but he could barely feel his limbs, let alone get up and use them. Though Rude stayed stubbornly upright, he was leaning most of his weight against the rail behind him, and was breathing heavily enough that he was probably due to pass out sometime soon.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, the wind picked up as a chopper from the tower approached, the kid tightening his grip on the familiar buster sword (seriously, where had Reno seen it before?). The helicopter dropped down low enough for Tseng to hop out with all his grace and elegance, not a single hair out of place despite the rotors spinning about at fucking fast miles per hour, looking over at the kids with that quiet smirk of his.</p><p> </p><p>Mister First Class looked at Tseng with a frown, and then nearly dropped his sword when he winced and reached up to grab his head like he was having a migraine. Tifa turned to him and gently put a hand on his shoulder, concerned, while Gun Arm Guy literally growled and stepped up next to them.</p><p> </p><p>Tseng cast a questioning gaze over to Rude and Reno, and they both gave him a thumbs up. Still alive, not in any immediate danger, but probably fucking useless. With a motion, Tseng ordered the helicopter up and out to secure the perimeter.</p><p> </p><p>Tifa was still gripping onto Mister First Class’ arm when the kid shook himself out of whatever he was going through, and he looked over to Tseng with furrowed brows.</p><p> </p><p>“Tseng?” he asked.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello, Cloud,” the man replied. “It’s been a while.”</p><p> </p><p>And – yo what the fuck?</p><p> </p><p>“You know this annoying shit, bossman?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course, Reno,” Tseng replied, voice calm and steady like usual, “he is an ex-Shinra employee, after all. And a rather notable one at that.”</p><p> </p><p>Well shit, maybe the kid was first class then. Though if he were, surely Reno would’ve heard of him? Back in the day there’d only been a handful of them, and since the Nibelheim fiasco there hadn’t been <em>any</em>. Rhapsodos, Hewley, Fair and Sephiroth had all died fairly close together and without any successors. A damn shame too, they’d been fun.</p><p> </p><p>“Notable?” Rude asked.</p><p> </p><p>“We even ran a mission together, didn’t we Cloud?” Tseng asked, sending an almost flirty (!?) smile the kid’s way. “You do remember Modeoheim?”</p><p> </p><p>Mister First Class - <em>Cloud</em> – winced and grabbed his head again like he was having a particularly violent flashback. It just made Tseng’s eyes light up with that dangerous glow that let Reno know that he was onto something nobody else was. It was hot.</p><p> </p><p>“You… crashed a helicopter,” Cloud hissed out between gritted teeth.</p><p> </p><p>“Surely you remember more than that,” Tseng smirked, “after all, that was the day we lost General Hewley.”</p><p> </p><p>“Gen- Angeal?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I wasn’t aware you were close enough with the General to use his first name,” Tseng almost purred, looking like a cat with a bird in its sight. “Curious then that you carry his sword.”</p><p> </p><p>And- oh shit!</p><p> </p><p>That was General Hewley’s buster! How the fuck did some random kid get it? The red leather wrapped about the handle had been a joke for months about his relationship with Rhapsodos, and the intricate golden hilt had always been polished to perfection.</p><p> </p><p>Cloud looked down at the sword like he was seeing it for the first time, like the gears in his head were ticking but they weren’t reaching any conclusion that made sense. Something was seriously fucked up with this kid.</p><p> </p><p>“We didn’t come here to talk shit!” Gun Arm Guy yelled. “We’re here to stop Shinra! And make sure as hell you pieces of shit don’t drop the plate!”</p><p> </p><p>Tseng eyed him carefully.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever do you mean?” he replied. “After all, AVALANCHE are the ones who plan to drop the plate.”</p><p> </p><p>Gun Arm Guy (Reno really had to learn this guy’s name) growled again and aimed his gun (arm) at Tseng.</p><p> </p><p>“And you can stop with that bullshit right now. You’re the head of the Turks, right? I take you out, and the strength of Shinra collapses. Nobody else around to do the President’s dirty work.”</p><p> </p><p>Tseng sighed and shook his head like he was annoyed at a small child, and Reno couldn’t help but cackle.</p><p> </p><p>“I suppose this means you want to fight?” Tseng said, reaching a hand to his lower back, but he was interrupted.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re a good man, Tseng,” Cloud said quietly. “You have a conscience. You know this is wrong. Shinra’s pissed at us, and so they want to drop the plate to retaliate. There are thousands of innocent people in the slums, and thousands of Shinra employees above us. You <em>know</em> this is wrong.”</p><p> </p><p>Of course they knew it was wrong, they’re Turks, but that didn’t mean any of them <em>wanted</em> to kill this many people just because President Shinra’s a bloodthirsty maniac. But this was their job, and Turks did their damn jobs.</p><p> </p><p>Tseng was clearly thinking the same thing, but shook his head anyway.</p><p> </p><p>“We have no choice, Cloud,” he replied. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Yo, what the fuck?</p><p> </p><p>But then Tseng grabbed his weapon from his lower back and snapped it out to the side, whip cracking loud enough that it echoed around the area. Fuck that was hot. The leader of the Turks smiled, and got into a ready stance.</p><p> </p><p>And the fight was <em>beautiful.</em></p><p> </p><p>Reno had known, logically, that as the Turk leader, Tseng could fight. He also knew that his weapon of choice was a whip, because he was a kinky motherfucker and Reno had been trying to get into those pants for years now, but <em>shit</em>, he wasn’t expecting this.</p><p> </p><p>Tseng was all fast, fluid movements and quick spins that made his hair fly out like a dark halo. His Wutaian fighting style was foreign enough that nobody could quite get a read on him, couldn’t anticipate his next moves, and the cracking of the whip was so loud it bounced about the area to discombobulate his opponents.</p><p> </p><p>He wrapped the whip around Cloud and Tifa’s limbs and used it to toss them to the other side of the platform, lean muscles straining beneath his suit, and slipped beneath Gun Arm Guy to trip him up, cracking him across the face with the sharp end of the whip. Tseng was an unstoppable force, both from a distance and up close, getting in Cloud’s space so his buster sword was useless, and keeping a distance from Tifa and her strong roundhouse kicks.</p><p> </p><p>It was so fucking hot that if Reno hadn’t been bleeding out slowly he would’ve been hard. Even Rude wasn’t entirely unaffected, his hand slipping down from Reno’s lower back to his ass.</p><p> </p><p>Unlike the rest of them, Tseng was silent when he fought, no smart ass quips or snarky retorts when Gun Arm Guy yelled obscenities at him or Cloud vowed vengeance or what the fuck ever. He just silently and swiftly took them all down, half the time with one hand behind his back, and within minutes they were on the floor and Tseng was over at the computer.</p><p> </p><p>Without wasting any time, Tseng pressed the button to activate the plate separation.</p><p> </p><p>Immediately the pillar started rumbling, and a helicopter dropped down to them. Tseng’s whip disappeared back to wherever he kept it, entirely invisible under the clean lines of his suit, and Reno groaned as his partner hauled the both of them up and over to the chopper. Tseng made sure they were both in first before he climbed in, and then they were off.</p><p> </p><p>All three of them looked out the window as the plate began to separate, giant chunks of metal breaking apart and falling down onto the unsuspecting civilians of sector seven. Even the Shinra employees up top wouldn’t be spared, because no way in hell would AVALANCHE have warned them, so Shinra couldn’t either.</p><p> </p><p>Reno was too exhausted to feel bad about it, and slumped to the floor of the chopper.</p><p> </p><p>“One hell of a fight, boss,” he wheezed, the pain of his injuries fully catching up to him. Tseng kneeled down next to him, a gloved hand coming up under Reno’s chin so they made eye contact. Tseng hadn’t even broken out into a sweat, still perfect as usual, eyeliner not even smudged. Bastard.</p><p> </p><p>“You did well, Reno,” he praised. “Get some rest.”</p><p> </p><p>With a sloppy salute, Reno did just that, falling into fever dreams of Rude’s hand on his ass and Tseng’s whip cracking over his back.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>so basically im horny for tseng and so are reno and rude and really, who wouldnt be</p><p>update: VIC CHAO (tseng's voice actor) SUPPORTS THE AGENDA</p><p>
  
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